Self-Introduction
Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Fan Phan, and I am writing this introductory letter in hope that you will get to know me better. Having graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a Diploma in Digital Precision Engineering, I worked with designs and product manufacturing for 3 years. This interest eventually enhanced my decision to further my studies in mechanical engineering at the Singapore Institute of Technology.
My strength in communication comes from comprehending others by being able to grasp, understand and be an active listener to them rather than anticipate what they would say and interrupt them. In terms of weakness in communication, I tend to get nervous trying to express myself in front of groups and have difficulty expressing my thoughts in report writing. However, through this communication class, I hope to further develop myself and improve on my shortcomings.
For this module, I aim to be more confident in presenting in front of groups and use the correct vocabulary when speaking. Although speaking out to many people is a common occurrence, having the thought of audiences staring at me and worrying that my speech is not engaging makes me panic.
To add on, I would like to improve my writing through this module. By using detailed, organized, and refined English throughout the essays, I will be able to enhance the whole letter to look even better and more professionalized.
Throughout this module, I hope that you would view me as an affable person as I tend to be over-friendly when a certain subject catches my interest. I look forward to learning more effective communication and critical thinking from you in the upcoming classes
Thank you!
Best regards,
Fan Phan
Commented on:
Rayner Tan
Teo Joshua
Nurul Amirah
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ReplyDeleteHi Phan! The overall structure was good. The reason that prompts you for further study was clear. It is good that you linked back your goal for this module as a improvement on the communication weakness. The second and third paragraph spacing can be edited and also perhaps provide some elaboration for your strengths. Thank you for the introduction letter. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHello Fan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your introduction and getting to know more about you. Your letter was well written and concise. However, I wish you can expand on your professional interest in engineering while working on the flow of the report. Personally, I would reduce the length of my sentences to provide more clarity on the message I am trying to bring across. Other than that, your letter is interesting and well thought out.
I hope we can interact more in class in the future, and we can achieve our objectives for the module together! Gambatte!
Hi Fan,
ReplyDeleteIt was a pleasure reading your introductory letter. Your letter is clear and concise and has included all the required points while delivering it with a good flow. There is very good clarity, elaborating on your communication strength and weaknesses by providing examples. You've written the letter in a formal tone throughout as well, which is really good.
As for some improvements, firstly, your subject title can be more precise, stating who the self-introduction is about. Secondly, in your third paragraph, "For this module" could be changed to "Through this module" as you would like to gain something after completing the module, rather than doing it for the sake of the module.
Lastly, the letter is great overall. I've most definitely learned more about you in class, and I hope to have more opportunities to work with you in class. Cheers!
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ReplyDeleteDear Fan,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly clear, concise and richly detailed letter. You do a good job in covering the scope of the assignment as you detail your educational and work background, your interest in mechanical engineering, and your comm skill nrrds. It's also good to learn that you're affable, something I have already noticed in class.
In terms of your language use, this letter is fluent, but there are a few problem areas to take note of:
1. expression
-- Having graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a Diploma in Digital Precision Engineering, I worked with designs and product manufacture for 3 years and it interest me which eventually enhance my decision to further my studies in Mechanical engineering at the Singapore Institute of Technology. >
Having graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a Diploma in Digital Precision Engineering, I worked with designs and product manufacturing for 3 years. This interest me eventually enhanced my decision to further my studies in mechanical engineering at the Singapore Institute of Technology.
-- ...rather than anticipate and interject them. > ...rather than anticipate what they would say and interrupt them.
2. sentence structure
-- By using detailed, organized, and refined English throughout the essays, the whole letter will look even better and more professionalized. > (Who is using English? The subject needs to be stated.)
I look forward to getting to know more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
*needs
ReplyDelete